Watching porn together! It sounds cool, naughty and very grown up. It can be all those things, but it can also be a lot more. It can enhance your sex life, it can open up lines of communication, it can be funny, and bring you closer together. Or it can increase intimacy, it can open up discussions about fantasies, and it can invite excitement and exploration.
On the flip side, it can also be embarrassing, awkward, and even bring up insecurities in both of you or make you question your relationship. The trick is, to go into it with your eyes wide open and an open mind and as with nearly all things to do with sex. The more communication between the two of you, the more chance of success.
Watching Porn Together
Would you believe 80% of men watch porn and 66% of women do to?
Consumption of porn has always appeared to be a male dominated industry. New research is showing that range of males to females watching porn materials is equalizing in some respects. Now I always wonder where they pluck these statistics from. I do know that every male friend of mine watches it. They would more likely question where the hell they found the 20% of men who apparently aren’t watching any!
When it comes to my female friends, I haven’t really talked about it with them. I would feel a bit invasive if I did, and that’s partly the reason why I’ve written this. Because we aren’t necessarily as open as we should be with our friends, it’s a learning experience for myself.
Why can I talk about porn with my male friends, but my female friends I’m a bit shy with?
In a way it kind of encapsulates the porn culture from a female perspective, looking at it from afar. I toyed with the idea of putting it out there on Facebook to see who would admit to it. But again, I couldn’t bring myself to. Therein lies the problem I guess.
Some people find it a difficult thing to have a conversation about. In reality, it should never be a difficult thing to talk about, sex and sexuality and the way we engage in sexual relations. Whilst some parts should be kept private, I believe that we should be more open to communicating about it.
I know why I don’t like talking about it, and you are probably thinking “but you are talking about it right now”? Well, the thing is, that I have no problem with admitting that I quite like it and enjoy using it. It’s the inevitable next question that I can’t get past
What porn do you watch?
Is the question that makes me want to run for the hills. I feel that if I were to tell someone the things I privately fantasize about, it would be like opening a window on to my soul. Not being over dramatic about this, many prominent physicians and psychologists have based entire careers on believing this to be the case. Watching erotic movies together though, doesn’t have to be this revealing if you don’t want it to. It can be incredibly beneficial, enlightening and empowering to open up to your partner like this.
Broaching the subject of watching porn together can be hard.
Subject of pornography is often thought to be akin with cheating, and in a way it’s kind of right. A lot of people place unrealistic expectations on the consumption of pornography and how it relates to their relationships. As well as how it relates to the concept of cheating.
Thing is, we need to wise up to the fact that our partners will still love us, even if they enjoy looking at other people. It’s not necessarily something to be so uptight about when it comes to watching fat mature sex movies porn., So long as the consumption of porn doesn’t affect day to day life and one’s general ability to function as a productive member of society.
How Do you Bring it Up Then?
The tricky thing then is – how to bring it up without causing unintended offence?
It probably isn’t wise to sneak a look into your partners viewing history and then surprise them with a DVD of whatever their ‘thing’ is. You may feel like you are being really thoughtful, caring and supportive. Your partner may feel like you’ve just read their diary and violated their private space. This would especially be the case if they felt threatened, embarrassed, or simply not up to sharing their pornography viewing tastes with you.
Sometimes our deepest desires can be the opposite of what we would actually want to do either in real life or with our partners.
Fantasies are not always about reality.
They should be taken as two completely different entities. For example the husband may like big, busty blondes in porn. His partner may be a very slim figured brunette. He avoids discussing his porn consumption with his wife, for fear that because she (or her type) isn’t necessarily the focus of his desires when it comes to porn. Then she may become jealous and/or insecure in regards to the situation.
At this stage it is all about finding common ground. Maybe pushing boundaries with whatever you both find arousing.
Keeping it casual
Suggesting an intimate night together and perhaps testing the waters with “why don’t we watch some porn together? …, I’ve never done that before,… I’m curious.”
When it comes to women especially, it’s nice if it’s made clear, that it is the idea of watching it with her that is sexy, not the content of the movie. This approach keeps the focus on your partner. Doesn’t allow them room to feel like they’re being replaced, aren’t good enough sexually. Or don’t please you enough.
It is the sharing of the experience that is sexy.
If you decide it is what you both want, how on earth do you choose a movie?
Go gently, I would say definitely start off with something fairly soft. Or if you’re the one approaching the subject, let them choose the film. You might find them to be far more receptive to the idea if you allow them to have the power of choice when it comes to picking the movie.
What we like as individuals can be fairly specific when it comes to porn. If you’re letting your partner pick the film, remember that the focus is on them, and not necessarily the film. Unless you have an overwhelming objection to the content of the porn. In which case you should have an open conversation about it. Then you should just run with it.
Chances of both of your personal tastes being exactly the same are quite slim.
I probably wouldn’t want to watch a 30 minute compilation of facials. To me personally as a woman I find that degrading though I certainly acknowledge my husband’s interest in it. Over time, whilst it’s not my thing, I certainly don’t begrudge him the choice.
Women’s minds can be much more exotic and filthy than males, but they need a bit of a lead up. You won’t find out the workings of a female mind by jumping in at the deep end of porn. It is probably best not to interrogate each other about what you have previously watched. That just closes doors, when the aim of the game is to open them. A good start might be to have a look through the category list on a popular porn site. Maybe refine your search to things like ‘couples’ or ‘female friendly”.
You might be surprised to learn that it’s very popular for straight women watching lesbian porn.
Make a night of it and set the mood
If it doesn’t work out, it is still going to be a sexy night anyway. It might be funny, then so be it – roll with the moment. Only thing that can really go wrong is not being in the right frame of mind. Don’t compare yourself to the people in the movies.
Porn is their livelihood, they look and behave ‘abnormally’. That is the point. It is fantasy and a performance. If you are watching the movie wondering where the hell you can buy an anal bleaching kit. And thinking of how on earth you are going to hold your girlfriend against the door with her leg over your shoulder. Then you should probably try something else.
You also have to be able to do away with the myth that you are the only one your partner gets turned on by as that is never going to be the truth I’m afraid. Try to see both your responses as normal biological response to stimuli that is all they are.
What you should be doing is enjoying each other’s pleasure
Maybe picking up some important clues and learning about what makes each other tick. There is no reason to feel insecure. If anything this should make you more secure. There is less chance of someone going elsewhere when they can access all they need at home.
No more paranoia over a laptop closed too quickly.
When the steamy movie starts playing, it is tempting to jump right into sex.
There is nothing wrong with that. But why not set some rules for waiting until the credits roll or when the scene ends just to keep things new and exciting.
- Delaying the act will make you both more aroused.
- Try just cuddling and kissing until you simply can’t take it anymore.
- Or make it interesting by not having sex at all!
- Enjoy the movie together in its entirety, and then have sex afterwards.
- Relax, enjoy the film, and engage in some sensual and delicious touching.
- Getting too hot under the collar, maybe take turns pleasuring each other or.
- If you do have sex, do it doggy style so you can both watch at the same time.
- Or decide to turn the TV off so you can focus back on each other, so be it.
Options are endless. Don’t limit yourself, and don’t make it formulaic and just ride on in with the moment. If making an event of it seems like too much of a big deal. Perhaps just introduce it as a background thing for your usual love making before you turn to focus on each other.
After you have successfully watched a movie together
It’s time for the communication to kick in.
Talk about what turned you on the most. What positions you’d like to try (or not try) the next time. This will also make it easier in the long run to talk honestly about your sex life. Post-sex shower is one of my favorite things – and sometimes I find that far more intimate than sex.
It’s the place where you can talk about which actors you liked most, which scenes were your favorite and why, and the content of the actual film. Furthering on that, you can reinforce positive behaviors within your partner. I really liked it when you copied that trick, or I enjoyed that moment where you. This is a good way to reinforce to your partner what you enjoyed.
Talk about the Sex and the Film
By talking about it, the sex, and the film it is a good way to choose your next movie. If you didn’t like it, then say so. It may have bought up insecurities you hadn’t anticipated, again, talk about it.
Think of it like this.
Couples who engage in watching porn together. And have a mutual agreement on what’s considered to be acceptable pornography are more likely to have a thriving relationship. This is because of their level of honesty and communication.
When both of you are equally open sexually and emotionally, pornography can be exciting and wonderful. Hopefully watching itis going to stimulate some new ideas, communication and maybe some new positions.